When I was very young, perhaps five or six, an object of special love showed up for me. It was in the form of a small gold coin that I wanted to possess with all my heart. One night I had this fear… this fear that I wouldn’t be able to take that gold coin with me when I went to heaven. I saw what the Pharos tried to do and realized that they are still waiting for their worldly things even after 5,000 years! Maybe they realized that they didn’t need them after all? Are there gold coins in heaven? I don’t know. What I do know, is that the coin represented my fear of God and that if I chose God, I would have what I cherished most taken from me.
I would have to suffer from lack, sacrifice and loss. What would I be without my special love! The irony of it all is that as I have grown, I have found that I easily and naturally let go of all sorts of ideas or things anyway and that those ideas or things have always made way for more beautiful ones. I guess the point I am trying to make is, “Why am I afraid of letting go and trusting?” I never descended into the pits of chaos for doing so, nor was I neither struck blind nor cast into the fires of hell. Not that I really expected that exactly, but whatever form it was going to take, I believed that it would be an unpleasant experience.
At one point, I chose to experience drug addiction, depression, alcoholism, and ADHD. And guess what? I let go or “forgave” all of those too! Occasionally they pop into my awareness again, usually as a negatively charged memory, and all I do is forgive them again and ask my higher self for help. As I let go of more and more of the little personal self or my old identity and the story behind it (i.e. fear of loss… i.e. gold coins) the more I discover who I really am! It’s Awesome!
Today, I play in this world as a child plays in the sandbox. I show up to be of service which, coincidently, is a lot of fun. I have a few jobs which may even be considered by the world as productive and respectable. Into all of which, I bring my holiest self. I cannot not bring my holiest self into every situation into which I temporarily find myself. I am with me always. God is with me always. Spirit is with me always. All I need do is but ask and I receive exactly what I need. Be it a thing, a word, an image, or a feeling. The form doesn’t really matter. It’s the peace that counts. The key is that I allow whatever I need to show up for me, without dictating what that is. I allow the miracle to happen and it always does. “Miracles are natural. When they do not occur something has gone wrong.” (ACIM: 1. I-6.)
Today, I share my experiences the best I can, and with any who are interested. I practice and teach from what I have learned and from a book called A Course in Miracles. It’s a fabulous and divinely crafted work of literature by the way. In fact, along with the Twelve Steps and my inner guide, A Course in Miracles, I’d have to say, has helped to free me of my bondage of self. It has helped me to see the world beyond the world and the light of heaven reflected back to me in all things. Do I wander through this world as an incoherent and functionally-useless blissed-out point of light? At times yes, but most of the time people just see me as being very happy, which I am. I have actually realized a higher level of functionality in this world as a result. I hold myself hostage less. I have expanded and come to know a new freedom. And unto this way I invite all who seek. And trust me; if you find yourself as a body in this world, you are seeking.